Wednesday, April 28, 2010
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Monday, January 23, 2006
Amazon 451
http://www.applefritter.com/bannedbooks
“This is what's possible with publicly available information, but imagine if one had access to Amazon's entire database - which still contains every sale dating back to 1999 by the way. Under Section 251 of the Patriot Act, the FBI can require Amazon to turn over its records, without probable cause, for an "authorized investigation . . . to protect against international terrorism or clandestine intelligence activities." Amazon is forbidden to disclose that they have turned over any records, so that you would never know that the government is keeping records of your book purchases. And obviously it is quite simple to crossreference this info with data available in other databases.”
That's lovely. Someone should really publish a book called "How To Bang Your President's Mother" just so I can add it to my wish-list.
“This is what's possible with publicly available information, but imagine if one had access to Amazon's entire database - which still contains every sale dating back to 1999 by the way. Under Section 251 of the Patriot Act, the FBI can require Amazon to turn over its records, without probable cause, for an "authorized investigation . . . to protect against international terrorism or clandestine intelligence activities." Amazon is forbidden to disclose that they have turned over any records, so that you would never know that the government is keeping records of your book purchases. And obviously it is quite simple to crossreference this info with data available in other databases.”
That's lovely. Someone should really publish a book called "How To Bang Your President's Mother" just so I can add it to my wish-list.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Visual Studio Rap
Everything you always wanted to know about Microsoft's Visual Studio Team System 2005...if you speak Korean and like rap.
http://www.microsoft.com/korea/events/ready2005/vs_song.asp
And before I forget, I hear Bill Gates is now funding a special team whose sole job is to research how to get your mother off...my lap.
http://www.microsoft.com/korea/events/ready2005/vs_song.asp
And before I forget, I hear Bill Gates is now funding a special team whose sole job is to research how to get your mother off...my lap.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
No One Can be Told What the Science Is
I try to be tolerant but I can't deny that I really just want to shoot all these assfucks. Intelligent design is the stupidest excuse for logic that has ever crossed a brain. Thanks to Janet for sending me this, and no, I don't know who this "Skippy" is, but I'm guessing he's banged your mom.
“Morpheus: You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.” -the Matrix
“At the risk of re-igniting the same heated nationwide debate it sparked six years ago, the Kansas Board of Education approved new public school science standards Tuesday that cast doubt on the theory of evolution. The 6-4 vote was a victory for ‘intelligent design’ advocates who helped draft the standards. Intelligent design holds that the universe is so complex that it must have been created by a higher power.” -CNN, November 8, 2005
“And that higher power was, of course, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who created all of us with his divine Noodly Appendage. I can only pray that Bob Dobbs (patron saint of the Church of the Subgenius) will intercede for us and protect us from being tricked by the Science.” -Skippy
“The challenged concepts cited include the basic Darwinian theory that all life had a common origin and the theory that natural chemical processes created the building blocks of life. In addition, the board rewrote the definition of science, so that it is no longer limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena.” -CNN, November 8, 2005
“And I personally think that changing the definition of words like ‘science’ or ‘torture’ or ‘treason’ or ‘restoring dignity to the White House’ is a doubleplusgood thing. Science should include other things than searching for natural explanations of phenomena. I think that it should also include ping pong. Man, I’d have a doctorate if science included ping pong.” -Skippy
“John Calvert, a lawyer who runs the Intelligent Design Network, based in Kansas, praised the board as ‘taking a very courageous step’ that would ‘make science education interesting to students rather than boring.’" -New York Times, November 8, 2005
“That’s what I’m saying. They’re going at it the wrong way though. Intelligent design isn’t going to make it interesting on its own. We need action to keep the kids attention. We need car chases and explosions. We need a bass-beat techno album blasting in the background. We need to give the kids the mother-funking red pill and let them see that the world around them is created by a higher frigging power!” -Skippy
“And thankfully the Kansas State Board of Education will continue to make sure that your mind is safely imprisoned where it can’t harm anyone. Whew. Unfortunately Dover, PA, did not fare as well. All eight members of the school board, which was pushing similar legislation, were voted out in the last election, and God (or possibly the Flying Spaghetti Monster) is pissed.” -Skippy
“I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover. If there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city. And don’t wonder why He hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for His help because he might not be there.” -Pat Robertson, November 10, 2005
“Sure, God might be pissed at Dover, and may do one of those ‘Sodom and Gomorrah’ things he’s so well known for, but the Flying Spaghetti Monster will always be there to forgive his people and sprinkle parmesan from Heaven in their time of need. Thank you Flying Spaghetti Monster, and we welcome you into the Kansas school system.” -Skippy
“Morpheus: You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.” -the Matrix
“At the risk of re-igniting the same heated nationwide debate it sparked six years ago, the Kansas Board of Education approved new public school science standards Tuesday that cast doubt on the theory of evolution. The 6-4 vote was a victory for ‘intelligent design’ advocates who helped draft the standards. Intelligent design holds that the universe is so complex that it must have been created by a higher power.” -CNN, November 8, 2005
“And that higher power was, of course, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who created all of us with his divine Noodly Appendage. I can only pray that Bob Dobbs (patron saint of the Church of the Subgenius) will intercede for us and protect us from being tricked by the Science.” -Skippy
“The challenged concepts cited include the basic Darwinian theory that all life had a common origin and the theory that natural chemical processes created the building blocks of life. In addition, the board rewrote the definition of science, so that it is no longer limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena.” -CNN, November 8, 2005
“And I personally think that changing the definition of words like ‘science’ or ‘torture’ or ‘treason’ or ‘restoring dignity to the White House’ is a doubleplusgood thing. Science should include other things than searching for natural explanations of phenomena. I think that it should also include ping pong. Man, I’d have a doctorate if science included ping pong.” -Skippy
“John Calvert, a lawyer who runs the Intelligent Design Network, based in Kansas, praised the board as ‘taking a very courageous step’ that would ‘make science education interesting to students rather than boring.’" -New York Times, November 8, 2005
“That’s what I’m saying. They’re going at it the wrong way though. Intelligent design isn’t going to make it interesting on its own. We need action to keep the kids attention. We need car chases and explosions. We need a bass-beat techno album blasting in the background. We need to give the kids the mother-funking red pill and let them see that the world around them is created by a higher frigging power!” -Skippy
“And thankfully the Kansas State Board of Education will continue to make sure that your mind is safely imprisoned where it can’t harm anyone. Whew. Unfortunately Dover, PA, did not fare as well. All eight members of the school board, which was pushing similar legislation, were voted out in the last election, and God (or possibly the Flying Spaghetti Monster) is pissed.” -Skippy
“I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover. If there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city. And don’t wonder why He hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for His help because he might not be there.” -Pat Robertson, November 10, 2005
“Sure, God might be pissed at Dover, and may do one of those ‘Sodom and Gomorrah’ things he’s so well known for, but the Flying Spaghetti Monster will always be there to forgive his people and sprinkle parmesan from Heaven in their time of need. Thank you Flying Spaghetti Monster, and we welcome you into the Kansas school system.” -Skippy
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Human Upgrades
OK, seriously, is this real??
Your mom....AUGGHHHHHH...!! The joke center of my brain has officially overload and is now just spitting out gibberish. Kinda like your mom if "gibberish" was slang for "love yogurt" in the Russian Navy.
Also, go get off yer @$$ and vote if you haven't already!
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Ninjas & Huzzahs
This Ninja Could Change Your Life
It's so true. Your mom has a similar plaque above her bed.
Huzzah to the Insurance Company!
Two things I never thought would happen include finding myself dribbling praise on an insurance company, and find out that Splat Ducks' mom wouldn't finish off my dribble. Well, they happened:
"A Charlotte, North Carolina lawyer, purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month,having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and WON! In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company
that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the 'fires.'"
But here's the kicker:
"After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest."
I say again, huzzah to the insurance company for putting the smack down on frivolous lawsuits. But boo to your mom, Duck, for her new "no-dribble" policy.
It's so true. Your mom has a similar plaque above her bed.
Huzzah to the Insurance Company!
Two things I never thought would happen include finding myself dribbling praise on an insurance company, and find out that Splat Ducks' mom wouldn't finish off my dribble. Well, they happened:
"A Charlotte, North Carolina lawyer, purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month,having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and WON! In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company
that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the 'fires.'"
But here's the kicker:
"After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest."
I say again, huzzah to the insurance company for putting the smack down on frivolous lawsuits. But boo to your mom, Duck, for her new "no-dribble" policy.
Dead Smurfs Everywhere!
Ah, blessed be the Belgians for once again proving that...if the smurfs...don't beat Gargamel...the terrorists will win??
And hey, Fernando, you know who else has blue balls? Me neither. I spend way too much time at your mother's to hear about any blue balls.
Click the image for the full story.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Hatching Day
I was hatched on this fine day 28 years ago.
A big hearty thanks to Fernando's mom for making me an omelette this morning in celebration! I can't believe she kept all those sailors waiting...
Check out the new suit she got me!
